Tuscan Fart Burps »
One day among many, Brian, Greg and I went to the cafeteria without having any particular food in mind. The special that day was a "Tuscan Beef Sandwich". I thought, "How can you go wrong with a sando?", and ordered up. Greg had brought a lunch so he wasn't forced to make the same decision, but Brian bravely followed suit. Soon we were staring uncomprehending as a half-roll (Kaiser?) was slathered with hummus and topped with what looked to be completely raw roast beef. Figuring their intentions probably didn't include poison, we shrugged it off and went off to find a table.
When in rome, right? We just dove in to our attempts at consuming the monstrosities. We latched our teeth into the beef then yanked and pulled, stretching it akwardly from its open-face base and chewing for what seemed like hours. This wasn't something you could eat as a whole and I began to take bites separately between the hummus/bread and the meat. Brian made the accurate observation that we looked like lions on the savana tearing at the flesh of some animal from a Discovery special. It's true, the meat was frigid cold and hardly cooked, or not cooked at all. It didn't look rare so much as fresh off a carcas!
Greg just laughed at us. Eventually we finished torturing our jaws and made our way back to the office.
A couple hours or so later I sat in front on my workstation drinking a cold, carbonated beverage. Can you see where this is going? I burped and abstently excused myself, absorbed in my task. Suddenly a foul stench hit me, completely broke my concentration, made my head twitch involuntarily, possibly a vain attempt to escape from its grasp. Bleck! It smelled like a sickly sweet poo, a warm wind of ass gas, but I hadn't farted! All this happened in a moment and I quickly realized the wiff I got did not come from my behind ... but my mouth. I had just farted out the wrong end.
Disturbed, yet highly amused, I began to giggle like a little school girl. All that jiggling made me burp again to similar effect and I was now laughing and choking at the same time. I got up and wandered to Brian's cube on the other side of the building.
So there you go, if you ever have the opportunity to eat one of these you'd better follow it up with some Mylanta and not a soda, especially cola (just ask Missy about that story).
When in rome, right? We just dove in to our attempts at consuming the monstrosities. We latched our teeth into the beef then yanked and pulled, stretching it akwardly from its open-face base and chewing for what seemed like hours. This wasn't something you could eat as a whole and I began to take bites separately between the hummus/bread and the meat. Brian made the accurate observation that we looked like lions on the savana tearing at the flesh of some animal from a Discovery special. It's true, the meat was frigid cold and hardly cooked, or not cooked at all. It didn't look rare so much as fresh off a carcas!Greg just laughed at us. Eventually we finished torturing our jaws and made our way back to the office.
A couple hours or so later I sat in front on my workstation drinking a cold, carbonated beverage. Can you see where this is going? I burped and abstently excused myself, absorbed in my task. Suddenly a foul stench hit me, completely broke my concentration, made my head twitch involuntarily, possibly a vain attempt to escape from its grasp. Bleck! It smelled like a sickly sweet poo, a warm wind of ass gas, but I hadn't farted! All this happened in a moment and I quickly realized the wiff I got did not come from my behind ... but my mouth. I had just farted out the wrong end.
Disturbed, yet highly amused, I began to giggle like a little school girl. All that jiggling made me burp again to similar effect and I was now laughing and choking at the same time. I got up and wandered to Brian's cube on the other side of the building.
"Hey dude", I said.
"Heeeyyyyyyyyy"
"Um ... when you burp, does it smell like a fart?"
"Oh yeeaah! I was wondering if that was just me," Brian made a faked a grimace followed by a grin. We both started chuckling.
"It was the Tuscan Beef Sandwich!"
So there you go, if you ever have the opportunity to eat one of these you'd better follow it up with some Mylanta and not a soda, especially cola (just ask Missy about that story).